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spydadHe does not want anyone to know anything about him. Nothing personal, at least, and only those professional things which are necessary. If he could, he would keep his reputation and lay the rest aside; all of the files would be blank, and no one would ever know... anything.
He never wanted anyone to know the truth about what he did, until he met Laura. Until she became the one person who had to know. She had the right, and the need, to know, and to keep his work secret from her had seemed impossible.
After Laura- Irina, but it's still hard sometimes to think of her by that name- he had never wanted another living soul who mattered to know the truth, and there was only one who mattered then.
Sydney.
He had never wanted her to know how badly he had failed her. By telling her mother of his work, but never Sydney, he had failed her. By knowing Danny's fate and doing nothing to save him, he had failed her.
She has a hundred reasons to hate him now, things he never wanted her to know about. He could tell himself he wanted to keep these secrets to protect her, but he can't lie to himself about this- He had too much to lose if she ever learned the truth.
He's lost her a hundred times, a million ways, for secrets he tried and failed to keep. She should hate him for those secrets, and sometimes she still does.
There are things she truly does not need to know, things which concern only his past, not hers. Things he'll never tell her.
Keeping things back from Irina is far more difficult. There is a very finite list of things she doesn't know about him, and most of these are irrelevant. From her he has no deep, dark secrets- He told her most of them years ago, and the rest, she has always known.
One thing he has never told her, will never tell her. Especially not her. But he whispers it one night after she leaves him. She does not need to know this; no one does.
"There was never a moment when I did not love you."
He has hated her, hated her so much and so deeply that it became an endless black wave, drowning him in fury and despair and rage... but through that hate he had loved her still.
This is the one thing that no one ever needs to know, the one thing no one will ever know.
Muse: Jack Bristow
Fandom: Alias
Words: 426
He never wanted anyone to know the truth about what he did, until he met Laura. Until she became the one person who had to know. She had the right, and the need, to know, and to keep his work secret from her had seemed impossible.
After Laura- Irina, but it's still hard sometimes to think of her by that name- he had never wanted another living soul who mattered to know the truth, and there was only one who mattered then.
Sydney.
He had never wanted her to know how badly he had failed her. By telling her mother of his work, but never Sydney, he had failed her. By knowing Danny's fate and doing nothing to save him, he had failed her.
She has a hundred reasons to hate him now, things he never wanted her to know about. He could tell himself he wanted to keep these secrets to protect her, but he can't lie to himself about this- He had too much to lose if she ever learned the truth.
He's lost her a hundred times, a million ways, for secrets he tried and failed to keep. She should hate him for those secrets, and sometimes she still does.
There are things she truly does not need to know, things which concern only his past, not hers. Things he'll never tell her.
Keeping things back from Irina is far more difficult. There is a very finite list of things she doesn't know about him, and most of these are irrelevant. From her he has no deep, dark secrets- He told her most of them years ago, and the rest, she has always known.
One thing he has never told her, will never tell her. Especially not her. But he whispers it one night after she leaves him. She does not need to know this; no one does.
"There was never a moment when I did not love you."
He has hated her, hated her so much and so deeply that it became an endless black wave, drowning him in fury and despair and rage... but through that hate he had loved her still.
This is the one thing that no one ever needs to know, the one thing no one will ever know.
Muse: Jack Bristow
Fandom: Alias
Words: 426
